Lames

Oh were to begin this one. Should I start off by a full update of my second date? Perhaps again going over what a total bitch the guy I work with is? Or maybe just maybe I will talk about my time in Tennessee for Thanksgiving? Hum, decisions decisions. I think I will start with what makes me the most upset, my new roommate.

I am not going to go into the details as to why there is now a third person in my equation, just know that there is and the deal I have is that my shit has to stay the same and this person will have to go in a few months. Of course we don’t tell that person this because we want to rent out the other room. I am not sure a lot of you out there have had the pleasure of having to find a new roommate but it is strange. First off, we use craigslist so you never know what you are going to get. Everyone really wants the place so they lie and it is up to us to figure it all out. Is what we do is we give a small description of our place and of us and we see who takes the time to give thoughtful answers and ask a few people to check out the place. Pretty standard operation procedure if you ask me.

So when we look for people you see them for the first time. This was a few months ago so I don’t remember the order in which we saw people, one of the first people was a dude from Oakland. We usually offer people water or something to make them feel at home, but homebody had herpes on his face so that was done. In which case we decided that he would not be a good fit because if he accidentally used the wrong toothbrush we would be fucked. Then after like five people we came across a person that we felt would fit in nicely. And by nicely I mean a person that we can get rid of and not feel bad. A few of you have been to my place and we keep it pretty clean and we are pretty standard about cleaning up after yourself.

Move in day comes and the guy had his friends moving shit for him. No problem there, the problem starts when he has way to much shit and will not get rid of it. He plays this game were he will ask us if we have something and we say yes we do, then will tell us that he has a nice version of it. listen up pal, you ask us if we have something we do, we don’t need your shit so too fucking bad you have it put it in a fucking box. But no, every fucking day I see a bag of kitchen utensils looking right at me when I wake up in the morning. When will he put it away? I don’t know your guess is as good as mine.

Then there was the box of shit he left at the top of the stairs right in front of my closet. Now I am the type of person that I just expect people to pick up on shit and yes I know moving is hard but you have to have a place for everything. So I don’t say anything for the first few days. But every day I come home from work thinking that it will be taken care of and it’s not. Finally I had to do the only thing I could, I came up the stairs when I knew he was home and yelled who’s fucking box is out here and that I am about to throw it away. That night it was put away.

Then came my cups. I have one really bad habit which is I leave cups in my room. I know this about myself so I have had these cheap plastic cups I use for just that reason. They have been in the same spot since the day I moved in. They are easy because they stack up and don’t take a lot of room. Now while my main roommate was gone this dick decides now is the time to rearrange everything to make room for all of his shit. Which meant that for some reason my cups got moved. Now they didn’t get moved an inch or two they got moved into the pantry. Why? I am still trying to figure this out. All I know is that was the final straw. Now for people that know me the easiest way to freak me out is to move my stuff around. This was it. Not only did he move my cups but this fucking guy had so many cups that they could not fit on the cup shelf so he just decided to start spilling them into the plates.

But here is the worst fucking thing about this guy. He fucking talks a lot. He buts into conversations that I am having and just keeps fucking talking. He always starts things off with “what up kids?” which is as annoying as it sounds. My conversations with him go like this, he starts asking me what I am up too, I just look at him and say nothing. He keeps going on and I say nothing then walk away. He will complain that the toilet is running and somebody needs to fix it. As I am standing there I am just looking at him and I could not help myself but to tell him to get off his ass and fucking fix it himself. I seriously wish he was dead.

Now on to another annoying sack of shit, Byron. This guy now has it in his head that he is smarter than I am. Dude a fucking stray dog is smarter than you are, they at least know they are all but dead and walk on train tracks waiting for a train to take them out. His new thing is that he wants to try to get my boss and me fired. Why do you ask? I will tell you why because we both think he is a dumb mother fucker and doesn’t like that we are so much better than he is. He also wants to move up into the sales job that I have so he can make more money. Listen up pal, fuck you. I stay up at night thinking of the dumb ass shit that he tells me every day and how I can get rid of him.

Every day I hear from customers how much they hate him and the only reason they buy from us is because of me. Now if this guy wants me out fine, he needs to grow a ball sack and tell me to my face. I will gladly ask to leave. But he is so smart he doesn’t realize that in my entire company I have put the most new dollars than any other sales rep and he is a stupid fuck dime a dozen retard thinking he has power. So if you were my company would you rather keep a sales rep that put in new business while at the same time clean up his mess to keep current customers or would you rather get rid of that rep and replace a manager that you can find off the streets? But then again he is just that smart. Honestly I am getting the point of annoyance and not being able tolerating him to the point that I am going to ask to either transfer me or him, I just can’t do it and keep myself sane on a day to day basis.

Plus you dumb ass lives in a van. You work for a fortune 300 company and you live in a van, please.

Now what is better then a first date? A second of course. Except this second date I realized just how fucking self absorbed people really are and more important just how dumb they can be. So this bitch calls me up. Now mind you she should be doing whatever I want. I am sexy and she is ugly and she knows this. Basically I am way too good for her. But she is cool and we are into some of the same stuff. So I get a call last Saturday from her telling me she doesn’t want to date. My reaction to this was that’s fine. Which is really is, I was talking with my friend Phil a few weeks ago and there comes a point in your life when you don’t date enough and you don’t have enough relationships that you truly stop caring. I am now at that point. It is not a big deal to me anymore.

So she gets pissed that I am just so apathetic to her telling me this. When really why should I care, I went out with you once, nothing happened we don’t owe each other anything. Then she decides she wants to come over. Again I tell her I don’t care if she does or does not. She comes and we go to Murio’s, that way I can bail out at any time I want. We really start to talk and she realizes just how fucking amazing I am but at the same time I realize just how stupid she is. And by stupid, maybe not totally stupid, immature for sure and close to being certifiable.

She just starts talking on random bullshit all night long and I got to the point that I wanted some entertainment from this situation. She confesses that she is a chronic liar and that she needs people around her to be fucked up so that she can fix problems. Listen bitch and listen good. How the fuck can you fix other people problems when you can’t even see your own? Not only that you can’t even admit that you have any, when clearly you have more issues than four normal people do. So for a few hours she is drinking, I have two beers because I don’t drink a lot. I just let her ramble on and on because she likes the sound of her own voice.

After a while I just get tired of it and ask the door man to sit with us, or more me so I have someone to bullshit with. It was great seeing the crushed look on her face like she was not interesting enough for me. Which sorry you are not. I watch her spend live $60 bucks on herself and she starts to tell me that she doesn’t want a boyfriend. And I just look at her and tell her that’s fine then don’t have one. She also goes on to say that guys are useless and sex is lame.

Hold on a second, sex is lame? No bitch you are fucking lame. She is trying to convince me for a hour that a dildo is just as good as a cock. Alright I will give you this they probably get you off a lot easier then a dick will and you can buy them in different sizes. But why oh why are dildos not enough for basically every girl in the world? That’s right they are not as good. Such a fucking stupid argument and I did call her out on it and told her that she just thinks so little of herself that she thinks she can’t get a guy so she is in the process of convincing herself that a dildo will solve all of her problems. The silence was only awkward for her.

After that she wanted to leave and I watched her almost fall over several times to her car. At which time she told me that she really likes me which I responded sorry you told me that you don’t want to be in a relationship and that dicks are useless. She then tried to kiss me in which I moved my face. I then watched her get in her car and drive drunk.

This brings me to my point I guess. In fact this time I don’t have a point I am just writing tonight. But overall people are fucking really stupid and useless. Everyone wants everything. People now have this sense of entitlement that I just don’t understand. You have a roommate that thinks other people don’t live with him. You have a the person you work with that is just so painfully stupid and useless, yet they think they can do a better job than a person that is killing it. You have girls that have no fucking idea what they want so they build o a life which is a total lie. What the fuck is going on?

I am sick and tired of putting lames on blast and that is all I seem to be doing. No longer do I talk about me going out. No now all I seem to do is talk about people that annoy me to the point they dominate my thought process. I am not talking about fun stuff anymore, this ends. I can’t fucking do this anymore. Next one I write I will talk about my trip to Tennessee because you know I have some great things to say about that and my thoughts might actually entertain this time around.

Fight On

I write this one with a bruised ass check, I am working through the pain in order to bring you entertainment for the week. You might be asking yourself why my ass is bruised and you know I will break it down for you. Saturday night fresh off a hot date, first one in months for me. the date went well, girl is cool, looking to get a second more details to come in the future. After the date was over things went down hill from there. Since she came to my part of town we stayed local and when she left I noticed I was right across the street from Murio’s and decided I will go in for a drink and to bullshit with the door man and bar keep.

It is always good when I walk into that place, I have been going there for so long now that I am just known and I know the mainstays. After a long day of work or whatever I find it fun to go to a place that I feel comfortable. This Saturday was really slow and something odd was in the air. I noticed two people that have been going out for a while that work at the pizza place down the street in the middle of a heated argument and was a little bummed out by that. I didn’t get involved none of my business and when I walk in I am greeted by Dave the Doorman, one of the coolest guys I have met. Talk for a few then I get my drink.

Since it was slow I go out to have a smoke with Dave and we drink our beers at the door so he can check IDs. And when I say it was slow I mean slow, there was probably like 15 people in the place. Oh I failed to mention that someone got the great idea of putting a DJ in the back. Now I have issue with that because when I go there I want to hear punk music and have it be loud. With a DJ spinning classic soul hits it brought in a new crowd. The usual crowd there are in jeans and leather jackets, that night you had the normal crowd at the bar and dude with half way buttoned shirts cutting up rug in the back. Really not the standard for that place which is known to be a rough bar, perfect for likes to fight guy.

Dave and I are sitting there minding our own business when a rugby player and his friend come in. Dave, doing his job asks for ID the rugby guy was cool with it but his extremely drunk friend felt that he didn’t have to show ID. Before there could be an argument another asshole runs outside with an open beer so Dave runs after him to tell him he can’t have that. In the time he was gone the drunk guy looks at me and starts cussing Dave out behind his back. Now being that I am cool with Dave this rubbed me the wrong way. So I have words with the guy while the rugby guy is like oh no my friend is going to get killed tonight. Rugby guy was cool and mediated nicely and because he was cool about the whole thing when Dave came back in nothing happened. but the drunk guy could not leave well enough alone.

Right before they were going to leave drunk guy looks at me and tells me that I am the type of guy that he would jack off in my face. By this time rugby guy grabs his friend and starts to walk him out. Truth be told I am afraid of rugby guy because they feel no pain much like a retard and didn’t want to fight drunk guy for fear that rugby guy would kill me. See I know my limits and I do my best to put myself in winnable situations. At that point all Dave and I could do was laugh. Rugby guy was apologizing for his friend a lot and walked him. It was all good, the guy was drunk and not worth anything so they left. Dave and I have a good laugh after they bailed out.

Not even five minutes after they leave a dude with his girl come in and Dave asked for ID. The guy waves Dave off and was really rude about it. I mean come on, when a person that works at a bar asks for ID just fucking show it, this guy had to be all hard core. By the way he was fucking huge, his legs were as big as my waist. Dave gets up and gets between the big guy and the bar and tells him that he needs ID before they can be in there. The guy starts to question Dave asking who he was, Dave just says that he is the doorman. The guy pushes him aside and walks right up to the bar. Now the bartender Nicky is watching the whole thing and is rolling his eyes. Like he will let the guy buy a beer at that point, he wouldn’t even check the guy’s ID. A small argument starts up, the buff guy is claiming that is was racist and shit like that he was just trying to start trouble.

Now everyone I have this to has asked me if the guy was drunk. No he was not, he was a calm as can be he just didn’t a shit. He did get pissed a few times and would tell Dave to fuck off and shit like that. Things were getting a little bit testy and I can see that is was going to get out of control because the guy just didn’t care about anything other then getting what he wanted which was a beer without showing ID. At this point Nicky comes from behind the bar to try and calm the situation down. Dave was also doing his best to talk to the guy but after Nick got from behind the bar he just starts cussing at everyone and pushes Dave. At that point he was asked to leave but doesn’t want to. Instead he gets into Dave’s face and tells him that he is going to beat the shit out of him. I can see Dave getting a massive adrenaline rush because he was shaking not because he was scared but because he was getting ready to go with the guy. Now Dave is the same size as I am and this guy was fucking buff as fuck but he still didn’t back down.

Nick sensing that things were getting out of hand tells the guy he has to leave and there are plenty of other bars on the street he can go to. The guy gets even more pissed and again tells Dave he was going to beat his ass and pushes him. At that time I get up because the guy was so pissed at both of them that maybe if a random person got up he would calm down, wrong. After a few minutes he tells them that he was going to leave and starts towards the door. Dave and Nick are following him from behind to make sure he leaves. At this point they do not have their hands on him even after the guy pushed Dave, I am standing off to the side but kind of in the middle of it and he starts to walk out. Just before he gets to the door he turns around.

One last time he turns around but this time he pushes Dave again. Dave gets up in his face and starts to move him out of the bar at which point the guy tries to head but Dave glances at him turns to Nicky and pushes him into the door. All three of us then get the guy and start to aggressively get him out of the building. Once we get him to the door the guy starts to throw punches and we all use our energy to push the guy as far as we can from the bar. Well he was so big and strong that the push caught him off guard and grabs all of us at the same time as he is going down. We all go flying from the door to the curb. I bounce off the pile and hit the side of a car but as I hit the ground I look at the struggle and start to get back up because the guy was not staying down. But just as I get up another dude from inside runs out and gets the guy in a headlock and I grab my phone and call the cops.

For the short time I am on the ground I noticed that someone was bleeding and there was blood everywhere but didn’t think too much of it at the time. As I am on the phone they get the guy up from the ground and pin him up against a car. I am on the phone trying to keep calm, giving the lady the address, my name and what went down. Less than a minute later a cop car pulls up and three more follow, they come running out and separate all the people. Dave at this point is standing right next to me covered in blood. Then we notice that his head is busted wide open and we are all covered in his blood. The car was also a bloody mess but Dave was really messed up. The entire left side of his face was bloody, his clothes soaked in blood. I have blood on my clothes and on my arms. The cops are looking over Dave and ask him if he is alright, he keeps saying that he is but I tell him that he needs stitches and the cops agree so they call in the ambulance.

It was at this point in time that the buff guy looks at Dave and tells him that he is bleeding and wants to know how. We all start yelling at the guy who is trying to play it off like he did nothing wrong and walks over to Dave. The cops are doing a great job at this point as they let the guy walk right up to Dave until they realize what is going on and they all get on him. I mean really dude how the fuck do you think he got covered in blood could it have been because we had to throw you out of a bar and you decided to start throwing punches at us? Could it be that we all hit the curb or a car or the parking meter or all of the above. Fucking dumbass.

Now the ambulance arrived and we have to take off our shirts so they can hose us down because we all had blood on us. They check Dave out and it looked like he had a concussion and they put a neck brace on him. He gets taken away on a stretcher and the only thing I could do was give the paramedics my number because I am the only one that was involved that lives in SF and if he needed a ride home to call me.

After all the dust settled I drank more than what I planned on and we were all pissed. Meanwhile the half unbuttoned shirt people were having a great time because they go to this place for the first time and they see action and I start talking to a few other people. The buff guy gets cuffed and taken away.

So I am not in a good mood at this point, I am really pissed. So I am going to break down bars for all you people that go. Do not fuck with the doorman, if he asks for ID just fucking give it. do not fuck with the bartender, he won’t serve you drinks if you do. Most importantly if you are asked to leave take it like a fucking man and walk. Now buff guy is in jail he is going to have assault charges thrown against him, he is going to have to prove against ten other people who all saw the same thing. Hopefully Dave sues the fuck out of the guy causing him to loose they job he has having to wear a paper hat standing over greasy burgers making $8 an hour. All because you won’t show an ID. Now I am willing to bet that girl got wet in her pants and can’t wait for the guy to get out so she cam fuck his dick off which is sick for so many reasons.

I help close down the bar and walk home in a bad mood. This also sucks because I just don’t have the energy to write about the other stuff that happened to me this week. How I bought a new phone and will be posting short video clips on you tube. I can’t tell you the great time I had on Sunday and a bum sat at our table and started eating our food. How two drunk guys that just got done with a nacho eating contest started to pick up on my room mate. Sorry, maybe next week

A Slow Dive

There is a reason I decided not to write the Blog until today. I am going to touch on a serious topic for once. Namely the Goth club I went to last Monday. Now for those who don’t know me all that well I think goth chicks when they are not fat are super fucking hot and I do like a lot of the music so naturally a club that has what I want is the way to go. A little over a month ago my boy Seamus told me about this goth club here in SF and that I should go. Now I am a veteran of goth clubs having been to almost all that southern cal has to offer, basically the only one in Phoenix so I know what is good and what is bad.

After a month of telling Seamus that I would go I finally decided that I was going to go last week. But I started to think of every goth club I have been to and the fact that the bathroom is not a place you want to find yourself unless you want to have a dude proposition you to suck your dick or seeing people shoot heroine. I am into neither. So I decided to try and take a shit before I went even though I didn’t have to go. I mean seriously think about it, it is quite one thing to take a piss because you can shield your cock and cover your ass from attacks from behind. But taking a shit is quite another. Imagine your taking a shit on a toilet that probably has crusty seaman lining it, the door won’t lock and someone walks right in mid shit. I would say a fairly awkward situation to find yourself in. So I sit on my toilet for like 15 minutes and don’t shit and I figure I must not have to go and can hold it for two hours if I did have to go, plus I have been dropping think loads not that loose shit that always gets you wondering.

Satisfied with myself I get in my car and leave. Show up to the club which is only like ten minutes from my house find a good parking spot pay my five bucks to get in and get my hand stamped for reentry. Thinking to myself that Seamus was going to be there in part because he has been going and mostly because he told me he was going to go because I was there. Now every goth club has a black velvet entry point, this was no different what was different was that there were literally three people on the dace floor dancing alone and about 17 people total in the place. I go walking around trying to find Shea, can’t find him. The DJ is playing some good tunes so I am into it and am going to give it a good try. That was until that shit I tried to take 45 minutes before finally decided to show up. I started to survey the floor and noticed two dudes in fishnet walking into the bathroom at the same time. In retrospect now that I am writing this down I should have gone in just so I could have something more to say but staying true to myself I left and went home. I could not shit, five dollars wasted.

Now me going out is a function of the past four or five months where I have not really left the house and my life was basically, work, getting pissed at co-workers and trying to keep myself occupied at home. I was basically snapping because one of the last times I went out I went to Murio’s and met a chick. Now this was not a girl that you are proud of in fact I wanted nothing to do with her and was with my friend John. Together we came up with the term Buffalo Solider, referring to a guy that fucks a Buffalo Girl a term for an unfuckable girl. Now the game is only fun if other people play it and I should not say unfuckable because unfuckable is just that unfuckable, no matter how many drinks you have they are still just unfuckable. A Buffalo Girl is more a girl that you feel ashamed of after the fact, like you did just to do it because you know you could. Basically the other people that are hip to this term do not fuck Buffalos and I am the reigning champion.

At Murio’s this fateful night I am with my friend John after we had gotten done practicing and there she was. The absolute definition of a Buffalo Girl. John, looks at me and confirms if that is one and I tell him that if he scored that he will become champion. So John spits his lame ass game and she ends up sitting down next to me together we start singing Murder City Devils songs and start talking. Cool chick. John decides to bail out and to her that was a sign that I wanted to fuck. So she kept buying me drinks until close and the more I drank the more I started focusing on the one attractive thing about her. So I keep looking at her fingernails and I start to think damn those are some hot finger nails, this was the beginning of the end.

Last call hits I am out on the streets she is still talking to me every place is closed and she needs some water. Being that I am a nice guy I let her know I live around the corner and I can hook her up with some water. We get back to my pad I get her the water and she wants to tour. I quietly show her around, show her the living room, my TV room then open the door to my bedroom. She grabs my cock and starts making out with me. By this time I am drunk and the affection has me all boned up. She throws me on my bed, takes off all my clothes and avalanches me. I don’t remember anything past that point because I basically blacked out. I was so fucking drunk I was done.

There is nothing like waking up the next morning not even hung over to find an unfuckable sleeping right next to you. I quietly get up and get into the shower, using the luffa I am really trying to scrub myself clean. I get ready for work and wake her up and tell her I have to go, she gets her stuff and bails out. The second she bails I start destroying my room looking for any type of love glove, nothing. The entire day I am totally freaked the fuck out. This was a few weeks before Comic Con and really I was terrified for what ended up being months because of this. Waiting for the “I’m pregnant” phone call that never came. More so I was totally ashamed which is hard for me to get, but damn I felt horrible about myself for like five months. Now you all know why I have not been going out, that one night freaked me out fucking badly.

Fast forward to this week.

I drive a lot for work and I live in San Francisco so there are a lot of HIV and AIDS awareness posters everywhere. The more I keep driving the more I seem to see and the more I seem to see the more I start to think I had one of the two. Slowly I start to think more and more about it until last week I had enough I just needed to know. Last Wednesday I call the doctors office and make an appointment for that day to get fully tested for everything.

They naturally ask you questions. Why do you want to take this test? Well I slept with real fucked up girls. Do you have any sores on your penis? No. Does it hurt when you urinate? No. On and on they go asking questions partly because they want to know what type of tests to give you but I for one think they are measuring your chances in their head judging you.. after the questions they decide that I will not need the q tip up my dick hole and that a piss test would be just fine. I did a cartwheel over that. Then right before she sends me downstairs to give blood I ask her how long the test takes, she tells me two weeks which I was all freaked out about. Then she tells me that clean tests often take a day or two. Downstairs I go give my blood.

Friday, I am back at the doctors for a routine physical thinking to myself well if I am clean then they should have it, it has been two days. Nothing. On my walk home the only thing I can think about was her telling me that it takes one or two days if it is clean and that it had been two days and they had nothing. This made for a fucking great weekend.

I sit around trying to keep myself occupied and I really start to think that this is it that it is over or was it? I really started putting some legitimate thought into this. I started to think what is so bad? Think about it you get to die young and not get old man sagging balls. I am sure there are groups and shit that you can go to meet chicks, I mean at that point who really gives a fuck about anything and I am sure these chicks would be down to fuck like crazy. I basically convinced myself that had HIV/AIDS but still for about six days I was the most religious person in the world. I even bought one of those candles Mexicans buy at the (( cents store, you know the one with either Jesus or the Virgin Mary, I am now the proud owner of one.

Monday, I give a call to the doctors office to see if my results were in, nothing. All day today I am just fucking twisting hard core, then I get the phone call that the results were in but I had to come in. I start to think why do I have to come in if I am clean? Wouldn’t they only want you in if you had something so you can start talking about was you can live with it. Oh perhaps they put you in an AIDS database branding you for life. After that call I was really fucked up. But being that I am at work and had something to do I did finish what I had then went right home and played FIFA 10 for about a hour until I made the long walk to the doctors.

I sign in and pay my $20 copay for the third time in less than a week and they sit me in this room. I sat there for a while shaking and shit. The doctors comes in, scratch that barely opens the door and tells me I am fine all clear. I wasn’t even relieved I was more pissed that I just paid $20 bucks. Really if I have to come in and I am all good can’t you just fucking tell me in a room? Oh that’s right the medical field is fucking corrupt and all they want is you money.

Yes, I am free of all STDs and I am happy about that and I have come up with two new rules. First one, always wear a bag. Second, stop fucking whores. Third and most important of the all I will no longer meet girls and fuck girls that I meet at Murio’s ever again. You might ask why? Very easy one reason is that it is very difficult to not find a girl that does not fall into my second rule. Most importantly it is my bar and I really don’t want to see them again. It ruins my bar for me and I have no place to go to twice a week to bullshit.

Even though I was feeling down I still did go out for Halloween. I did keep it low key and went to Murio’s. I must tell you it was fun but I was so fucked up I was not having a good time. That and the fact that the dyke chick was there looking good. Yes, the same dyke chick that told me she was getting married to a chick. The same stupid cunt that was the topic of one of my last blogs. Well she was there, I am feeling like shit. The sight of her smiling having a good time made me feel worse. We accidentally saw each other and I keep it cool with one of those head nods. I did see her with some lame dude that she knows that is a closet faggot but no wife? Wait a minute, you mean to tell me that you are such a cunt that you can’t even tell me the truth, I bet there was no girl that she just didn’t like me which is fine.

I go outside to have a cigarette with Doorman Dave and she sends this dude out to talk to me. “Mary Ellen wants to know how you are doing?” Dude what the fuck is she going to write me a note that asks if I am mad at her with a box for no and a box for yes? Fuck just come out and talk to me. I do have to give her some credit she knew that I was looking good that night and I would blow her off. Lesson to all don’t fuck with me because I will fuck you back slowly and painfully until I decide I have hurt you 100 times more than you hurt me.

In short fuck you go eat some hairy cot and stay the fuck out of my fucking bar.

On Blast

Just a quick update on the past six plus months since I have updated the blog. Nothing of significance at all. Now I know you might be thinking yourself that I must have some crazy update or story. The truth is I really don’t, aside from Comic Con, which was so long ago it seems that I really don’t want to go over that right now. Other then that I have not really been going out or doing anything worthwhile. I have opted to waste my days and nights playing video games and having little or no contact with any one. By doing so I have gotten really bored and frustrated, luckily I have spent the past few weeks really thinking about this and decided that I need to balance out work and personal and not just work, come home, do whatever then go to sleep. After all the world is a better place when I get to put it in its place.

Now to a filthy nasty disease I have been coming across lately, people this time I am going after dudes because I am just get really sad when I see dudes that act like little bitches. The person I am putting on blast this week is a person I work with, his name is Byron and he is by far and away the biggest moron I have ever come across. He is the person that took over my position as manager of the store and he doesn’t know what he is doing. Instead of learning it he will just ask me because he knows I can’t stand to see failure.

So why I am putting this poor sorry motherfucker on blast? Easy, this goes along with my topic of guys tucking their penises inward creating a pseudo vagina. Let me give a little back story on this guy. He is from a Northern California mountain town by the name of Arnold. The type of place that is just far enough out of the way the idea of cable television is new to them. He was hired about six months after I was and had been the assistant in Sacramento where he sat around and did nothing and after being left high and dry by the original guy that took over for me it was my job to find a replacement. He was the first person I called because he had been with us for a while and worked at a fairly large branch, had been trying to transfer out so I figured that he would be ready. I remember the call to this day, he told me that he doesn’t want to move to SF and that he would not get paid enough for it. to which I said I live in the middle of the city and I do just fine. Then in so many words he told me that the Branch was too small and in a way beneath him. I automatically took him off the list and told my boss that he didn’t want to come. Two weeks later he was there because he given an ultimatum to take the job or look for another. Lucky me.

The first month or so he was staying at his ‘girlfriends’ house about an hour outside of town and would commute in. During this time he knocked her up and was very worried about the whole thing because he didn’t want to have any kids at the time and really wasn’t into this girl. All lies. After what he tells me a false alarm he found a place to live and then really didn’t talk to this girl but once, maybe twice a month only. He then tried to be Mr. SF and wanted to hang out with me to which I looked him dead in the eye and told him “no.” there was one time he called me and I thought it was work related so I picked up and he ended up being in front of my house and I took him to a bar with me where everyone thought he was a weird motherfucker and ignored him. For me it was really great because I am sick in this way, I really loved watching people walk away from him then talk to me and see him try to chime in. Oh man the looks on these people’s faces were awesome, they just straight up gave him the dirtiest looks. So I was satisfied in seeing other people treat him like shit. Then another time he just showed up to the bar because he thought I would be there. I had to take him outside and tell him that he was not welcome at the bar if I am there and he needs to leave and I went back inside to get my drink on.

So in these few social meetings with him I asked him a few questions about this bitch he was fucking. According to him she was a college fling that he kept around for the pussy. I would get a little bit deeper and ask him if he was fucking any bitches now. Oh yeah I failed to mention aside from being the world’s dumbest person he is close to also being the ugliest. His mouth is always open like he is ready to suck a cock or something. I will have to sneak a picture of him one of these days just to terrify my female readers and reconfirm with my male audience why they are not gay. He had not found any bitches to fuck which really doesn’t surprise me at all. I would also get into what type of girls he was into, because as you all know I will fuck almost any non Asian or black chick. I remember asking him because there is always this fat chick that will fuck any dude she sees and I told him to pull that and he tells me that he is not into fat girls. Again, lies.

Fast forward to July, I am getting my crew ready to go on a massive fuck spree at the Comic Con. I am in a really good mood because this is the one steady vacation that I take every year and I get to nerd out and be better than everyone. Before my vacation we have a meeting and I am doing my thing then during a break a bunch of guys pull me aside and me what is wrong with Byron. To which I said nothing he is probably nervous and they were really telling me that something is wrong with the guy and I had to tell them all that I don’t know because I don’t hang out with him more importantly I don’t care about him other then the eight hours of work he tried to do. So I could care less if his mom died or he got raped, I really do not give a shit. Then my boss pulls me aside and asks me to find out what is wrong with him so I see him outside and I ask him.

He is standing in the dark by himself and I can see that he was all fucked up from something. I walk up to him and tell him that everyone but me is worried about him and if there is something going on. he goes into his pocket and takes out an engagement ring. I look him dead in the eye and tell him that I thought he was not really into the girl and if he was sure he wanted to propose to her. He told me that over the weekend he already did and she said no and is fucking another dude. I do what I always do with him, I laughed in his face and he started to cry. So he spills his guts to me which I really appreciated trust me on that. Crying about how he was sure she was the one but didn’t want to commit before, but now he was sure about it. he then asks me what he should do, I told him to go home to his parents house drink a beer with the old man and forget about it because there is nothing else to do. But he keeps pressing and tells me that he wants to know why she said no. I had to remind him that she is going out with another dude and he started to cry more. I told him he has two choices, one you come back to work on Monday and you just let it go and be sad for a week. Second option would be to call her and ask her why because he really wanted closure on the situation. I advised against it but does he listen to me? No.

I split for San Diego and go to the Con, I come back all fired up and ready to go and I stop by the Branch in the morning to see what was going on with the guys. Well Byron is sitting behind the desk, door closed and crying. Instead of leaving the Branch I decide to wait because seeing this guy suffer puts me in a good mood. He tells me that he didn’t listen to my advise and went to her house after the meeting and sat in front of her place for hours until her dad came out and told him to leave before he calls the cops. Then on the Monday he sent like $100 worth of flowers to her and when I walked in that day her dad was on the phone with him telling him to forget about her, that it is over and they have filed a restraining order against him.

For three months he could not stop thinking about her. He would mope around the branch while the other people did his work for him. I would have to carry his stupid fucking ass on my back which got me to the point I was going to ask for a transfer just to get away from him. He did nothing. Remember it is not like he is smart and if he stops working he is even more useless than what he already is. So this girl fucked him up so badly that he could not even work. He hit rock bottom when he moved out of his place and moved all of his things to the branch where I am pretty sure he is living at, which he denies telling me that he is staying at hostels at night and going home on the weekends. I was witnessing a human downward spiral like I have never seen before and I must say I enjoyed it a little bit.

The worst was a few weeks ago he went to Bahamas with his parents and packed the fucking engagement ring with him. Who in their right fucking mind does that? He gets back and tells the guys at work that he was really sad because all he saw was young couples on their honeymoons and he stayed in his room and cried the whole time. Now at some point I decided that I had to be the one to teach him what is to be a man and last week I did that for him.

I had enough with this bullshit because I was really getting tired of doing his job for him so I took him up stairs and had a talk with him. Now this might sound like a contradiction to what I have been saying this whole time but I got a call from one of his friends randomly. How they got my number I have no idea all I know was this person called me to tell he that I had to talk to him because they were afraid he was going to do something to himself. I knew that I had to do something. We make the long walk to his bedroom, I mean upstairs break room with a bed, dresser, clothes and a TV and I sat his ass down. Now one reason I like this guy is because I can really punk him and I don’t have to cuss to do it. I start slow with him and ask him how he is doing.

Again he lies to me and tells me that he is doing good and he is over it. I look him dead in the eye and tell him that he needs to stop ling because the reason I am here is one I am tired of him not contributing at work and secondly one of his friends called me to tell me just how fucked up he is. He is in a total state of shock and I come clean and ask him why he is working in SF when he really doesn’t live here. His answer was basically that the people around him cover up his mistakes and that I carry him. I tell him just how sick I am of his shit and that I am strongly considering a transfer because I can’t stand working with him. I also let him know that customer hate him and the employees think that he is a joke. His only response to me was that he thought that was the case. So being that I am fucking awesome I let him have it just like I am going to let all of you have it right now.

Do not get hung up on a bitch, ever. If you are over the age of 16 and a girl breaks up with you, you have exactly one fucking week to get over it and if you are having trouble getting over it I have steps for you to take. Day one and two, listen to music in the dark. Day three think about what happened so it won’t happen again. Day four start thinking of reason you hate her. Day five watch porno and do not jack off. Days six and seven try to fuck as many girls as you can and it doesn’t matter what they look like you just need to fuck to get your man power back. Only a straight up pussy let’s a girl fuck him up for months effecting his work. Shit work should be the one place that you kick ass in times of high personal stress. As soon as you let this stuff slip into your work you are as good as done. Now do not listen to me is you are married and have actual things to loose, I have never been in that situation so I can’t give you advice.

Come to find out that when he thought the girl was knocked up she really was. He wanted her to have the baby and she was so desperate to get rid of the demon seed of Byron she stuck a hot coat hanger to pull it out. Not to mention that when he proposed to her he had not talked to her in over a month. Also, that around all of us at work he would tell us over and over again that he was not into her and she was just FWB. Lastly, you know how I said that he was not into fat chicks, well she was as fat as they come. Pretty fucking sad that the guys was holding onto that. Even more unforgivable was that he made sure all my customers knew about it. So when I told him that he brings nothing to the table I wasn’t being mean I was just stating a fact that he needed to know.

My boss then came in later that day and had almost the same conversation with him but more work related where I found out just how stupid he is. he excuse to us was that he has a learning disability citing that in college if the class took on hour to finish a test it would take him 70 minuets. Now that is insulting to my intelligence, I have a friend with a learning disability I know the fucking difference. Anyways I am done with this fucking guy and will do everything in my power to get him fired.

So back to the main topic, guys are now girls with dicks. They can no longer make decisions and cry about everything. What the fuck happened to the world? Why do girls like dudes like that? Is it because they look good in tight jeans? Please someone tell me because it is driving me fucking bananas. What ever happened to guys that can fix a toilet? What ever happened to guys that thought acting like a bitch was gay? Now it is almost acceptable. Well it fucking ends right now.

Ladies, you are no longer allowed to go out with a guy that doesn’t want to fuck you every night. You are no longer allowed to go out with a guy that doesn’t know the difference between a Phillips and flat head screw driver. You are no longer allowed to go out with a guy that spends more than $20 on a hair cut. You are no longer allowed to go out with a guy that is wearing more than $200 worth of clothing (number includes shoes) at any one time unless it is a suit or work clothes. If you see a hot guy at a bar drinking an appletini don’t even fucking bother. You are nothing more than enablers to this problem. Remember guys are not supposed to be hot like a bitch we are supposed to handle business at work, at home and in the bed

The Game

It has been a long time since I have posted, I thought that now would be a good time to get back into it. Good thing is that shit has gone down since my last post, so I will have something to talk about.


Work has been crazy for me, working so much that I am not able to have weekends or go out as much as I was. The one thing I have noticed is that I am trying to be the best rep I can be, so I have forgotten about other things I like to do in favor of working at my new position. just when I think I am able to get back I get really busy, currently I am working on three big fucking deals, so I have been at their disposal. But anyways fuck work, you don’t read this to read about work, you read to hear my fucked up stories and me talking shit. Trust me I have fucking plenty of that.


During the past two months or so I was lucky or unlucky enough to meet a girl. Of all places I meet her at the bar that I go to, Murio’s. the fucking last place you want to meet a chick as it is known for its loose women and bum kids. So I was fucking surprised that I met a chick that I actually got along with. This was in the beginning of February, just as I met her I had two friends from LA come up.


During their trip all I kept hearing was “Rob get me laid,” not only from my friend that came up from out of town but my local friends who still have not gotten it through their heads that I can’t get girls for myself or can I? my friend Cheryl that came up really propped me up, and really got me convinced that I have game. now I started to really think about that and how it all relates to my job. Being that I am in sales I really have to have some sort of personality so I decided to show off my skills that night.


Now I had met that chick the night before and stupid me thought it would work out with her. Yeah yeah fuck you I know, I should listen to my own advice from time to time. Live and learn. So I decide to tell my local friends I have a plan to pick up chicks and they want to know what it is. so simple, I tell them walk up to them and introduce yourself and ask them for their name. holy shit all they kept telling me was that it would never work in a million years. I end up getting so tired with their negative attitudes that I find two chicks that are at the bar and I ask which one of them wants to go up with me. Greg volunteers and sure enough I use my new plan and what happened? well it worked, they were just lame so I decided to cut them off. So fucking easy, the hard part is having something to talk to them about and that I don’t think anyone can help you out with.


The weekend in total was good it was nice to see my friends. I always like when some people come to visit me. sometimes I get bored with how I am in that while I think I am fairly cool person, sometimes I don’t open up and want to meet new people. After they left it ended up being a week straight with the girl I met.


Things were going great, for me I almost never meet a person that I really like that gets my stupid sense of humor so it was awesome. But the bad thing is usually when I meet chicks I don’t end up really falling for them so when that happens I loose sight of what you are supposed to do. So I will take some of the blame for the situation. But most of the blame goes to her.


I know what you are thinking, I am just being a whining little bitch. Well fuck you, I am not. So after that week or so of every day, spending every second possible with her she went and disappeared for like a week or so. And it kind of tire me up a little bit. But nothing like a drive to LA to fix that. I pretty much decided that it was not worth my efforts. I had called her a couple times and I am not going to be the annoying person that always calls. Besides, she wants to pretend that she is a grown up, well grown ups call people back. She wants to sit there and tell me how much she likes me and how she thinks of me all the time, well then she can call me back. I mean really that was where I was coming from on this whole thing. But still nothing, I became fine with it. I wrapped myself up in work and that seemed to work until she finally called me.


The message went a little something like this, sorry I have not called you back but I have been really busy and sometimes I get like this. Yeah sure what the fuck ever, honestly who the fuck do you think I am some kid missing a chromosome? No, I actually have a working brain and while I don’t let on what I am thinking or feeling, come on seriously. After all that I called her back, nothing and I get pissed at myself this time.


Another week goes by and I don’t think twice, but I some how win two free tickets to see Watchmen a week early in IMAX. I figure that all my friends would want to go. None of them could, so I try to sell my extra, no dice. I try to find a single chick at the comic convention I was at, none worth putting my hands down their pants so I call the girl. By some stroke of luck it was like she knew she was going to get something free out of the deal and answered. She ends up being my date for Watchmen, she is grabbing my cock and making out with me the entire time. After that nothing, no fucking thank you nothing.


But whatever, I went down that road it did not bother me like it did before, now I just felt like it was rude of her. So I go back to the place that it all started, Murio’s my bar. Well being that it is my bar and I had never seen that cunt their before that night who is sitting at the bar? That’s right, I can’t fucking escape this fucking bitch now. We talk for a little bit, it was really awkward for the first time. I go to smoke she decides to bum a smoke from me and in the process I look at her and I know that there is something wrong. So I call her out on it. she tries to play it off like there is nothing. But you know sometimes you can just tell when a person is not right, it could be something they say for her is was just her facial expression.


She starts the same old busy at work bullshit, which I tell her I am busy too but I still make time for little things. Then she tells me that she has been drinking a lot lately, great becoming an alcoholic that’s what I need. She goes into how she is bi-sexual and the past few weeks she has been identifying more with her lesbian side and how it makes her feel socially awkward and that is sucks for her when she is with me because nobody thinks twice. That she started hanging out with her best friend who is a lesbian and they decided to get engaged! Well by this time had enough of this bullshit, and nice Rob went away and my real side Angry Rob was there. Fuck that shit bitch.


No more holding back. I tell her that she is a fucking crazy bitch. First, you being bi is you wanting everything. Seriously pick a fucking side, I hate that shit, it is just so counter productive. When you are with a guy you want to get fucked and treated like a little girl. When you are with girls you want to act like the man. The only bi I can see you really being is bi-polar. And why try to make me feel bad that you feel awkward in public when you are with a girl, how the fuck is that anything close to my problem? Oh yeah that’s right it’s not and further more we live in San Francisco, nobody cares about anything in this fucking city at all, especially about you being gay. If anything the people that are giving you the looks are dykes from a les bar you went to the night before watching me finger you down town.


After putting her in her place she then tells me that it is just so easy for me because I am a white male. Where the fuck did that come from? Now all of the sudden she is unhappy at work and feels that she cannot do anything because she is a female minority (dyke) and has to stay there. Really seriously what the fuck. a week ago you were all about how women are just as good as men, no argument from me on that one. But now all of the sudden you are somehow a victim or circumstance? Please allow me to collect crocodile tears for you. I simply told her that if she thinks she has no choice then she is far dumber then I took her for and this whole thing was a mistake on my end.


I went out to smoke again came back in and sat far away from her. Now I get to be lucky and see her all the fucking time around my hood. Oh well what can you do. At first I was thinking of playing a game with myself called how many chicks can you fuck in a month. But after thinking about it I decided that it would not be a good idea because I have been so busy at work I would not have enough time to work on that. But fuck it let’s see what I can do. Every week I will update you with some chick I anger bang.

To the Beach and Back

A little more then a week into 2009 and I have nothing going on sexually. I have not had any luck the past few months. Oh well life goes on and I still look at almost everything that passes by me. it is so bad right now that my usual hang out spot has been dead too. This really sucks, these guys totally have my back but there is nothing going on. I am back on those stupid dating sites and still nothing. On that note I have to mention something that is bothering me about them. I am going to break it down for all you people out there right now. When you are on a dating site, first prepare to lie because nobody out there really likes who you really are. In fact here was my old profile…

“I feel like this whole thing is a bad advertisement and I am not going to sit here and try to make myself to appear to be any better or worse than what I might be. I feel that it is really up to the person reading this to decide what to think of me.

Having said that I prefer to stay at home and do activities that keep me here. I am not opposed to going out and jogging or playing soccer, usually when I do go out I go out by myself and I keep to myself. I probably suffer from extreme shyness or some sort of social disorder. I have a hard time opening up to people and my sense of humor is hard to understand.

I am looking for a person that can tolerate me and take interest in me. I do like to talk and have a good time but I tend to not have a good time when I am talking to a moron.

If you are interested wink at me and I will email you.”

Now while I feel that might not be the best way to get a girls attention, I was being honest. Now ladies out there, tell me the truth, you would most likely not respond to a guy that wrote that. My updated profile makes me sound a lot better then I really am. And for those of you that know me, probably know that I am much better in person. Also, I just have a really hard time writing about myself and giving people everything there is to know about me. I would like to think that if you are able to put everything about yourself in two paragraphs then you are not interesting or worth my time. You do have to admit on some level that is a masterpiece, which is why I kept it.

This brings me to my second point. Right before xmas I get all excited because a hot chick started a dialog with me, so I respond to her request, wait a week for her answer, respond back and I am still waiting. Seriously, fuck that shit. Why would you not do what I do if I am not interested in a person and tell them I am not interested in you? Like a person I know, she goes on these dating sites when she gets lonely and depressed. Why you might ask? Well she likes cock for starters and secondly when she has no money she knows she can fill up her week with at least four free dinners and movies. Then after each date she tells me how boring she thought the guy was. I always ask if she told him that she has no interest. The answer is always the same, well no I don’t know if I like him or not. Say what the fuck you mean please, just say you like being wanted and you like going out on dates with guys and not have to pay and you don’t want to ruin that by telling them the truth.

Not to say I am pissed, I am not. At this advanced age I know the score. I am not pressing or anything like that. In fact I almost don’t give a shit. Why you might be asking yourself? Well I will tell you why. I am working a lot during the week which takes up a lot of my time and efforts. I am pretty sure I could not give a girl that is looking for something serious the attention that they require. Because let’s be honest, when you are in a relationship, I basically go away and have to do shit for the other person and I am just not into that right now. Bottom line a girl has just a few things I need like a pussy but that won’t pay the bills.

Also, I started playing guitar again with my friend up here. We are writing surf music which is proving to be a lot of fun. No words just us acting like fools. As of right now we are calling ourselves 01 after our rating system for girls. The rating system is very easy and is based on binary code 0-I am not fucking, 1-I would, elegant in its simplicity.

I bought a long board (skateboard) and just go cruising through the park on weekends. It is very relaxing, it takes no skill at all you basically kick a few times and roll. So we ride to the end of the park which ends up at the beach and have a beer or two and ride back home. Very nice. In fact this morning I just put my head phones on and just went out. It was nice to be able to smoke and talk on the phone while I was riding.

Other then that I have just been working going out a little bit more then I would like. I find that going out is way to expensive and I would rather not spend money when I don’t need to. Sorry I am in a pissy mood, I’ll explain more at a later date.

The Girl without Shoes

Well I decided to start off the New Year right this year. Usually I will just stay at home and do nothing, but this year I decided to try something different and go out. My room mate was trying to get me to go to a club with her and some other friends but I was just not interested in it at all. No I really wanted to go to a Goth club just like in the old days of hanging out in Hollywood. But all the while I just was not sure what I really wanted to do because I am really cheap and the price tag attached to a awesome New Year’s Eve just always seemed like it was to much for me.

So all day long my room mate was still trying to get me to go with her to the club. After the millionth time of me saying no she finally got the hint. But before we go our separate ways we meet up at Greg’s house. Greg, is a 34 year old dude that lives off of his trust fund. Good guy, very childish but a good guy. I had never been to this guys house before, fucking massive, how this guy can’t get laid I have no idea. I mean really in the city you are lucky to get a room. Now I have two and basically every time I get a chick over I close the deal. This guy has a whole fucking house by himself which is unheard of. So we end up drinking just a little bit and playing foose ball, which I take way to seriously and want to win every time I play. So after about two hours of hanging out there watching Greg try to network his computer to his stereo we all decided to leave. They ask one last time if I wanted to go out with them, and for the final time of 2008 I told them no. and we go our separate ways.

Here is one thing that I have noticed about this group in general. I am not saying this is bad just that they don’t know me. You can’t make me do something that I don’t want to do. If I say no I mean it.

So I grab a bus to head downtown. Since the busses were free on New Years and running all night a lot of people were using them. But it was at the bus stop that I noticed something for the first time. New Year’s Eve, might be one of the worst nights to meet a person of the opposite sex. First off usually from what I see people go out as couples to eliminate meeting a random guy like me. Second, oh my fucking god seriously every year it is like people have never been out before. So I am stuck on a packed bus sitting directly across from six of the sluttiest chicks I have ever seen in my life. Each one of them dressed exactly the same, each one of them taking those fucking retarded pictures where they hold their own camera and make a silly face. Seriously, those fucking pictures need to fucking go, they are my definition of gay. So these hoes were totally drunk when they got on the bus, loud as fuck, but at the same time I could not stop looking up their skirts. Seeing camel toe where it was not intended is always a good thing.

I get off at my stop and I start the walk to my end destination. I am all pumped up because I was listening to Bauhuas and the Sisters of Mercy to get myself pumped up to dance. Now let me tell you, no I am not what you would call goth, those of you that know me probably have picked up on the fact that I have a very simple style. Also, years ago I tried to dip my hand into the gothic realm, I dyed my hair black and the whole deal. Basically it was the dumbest thing I ever did in my entire life and decided at that point I am cool the way I am. But I really like that type of music and I also like that people don’t dance together at those clubs. You just kind of look at the ground and do your thing. If you want to talk to a girl you do it either at the bar or in the smoking section. So for me it’s perfect, I like the music, I don’t feel any pressure to talk to girls, I really just feel like I can let it happen there as opposed to another type of place were everything is all in your face.

Now I used to go to clubs like this all of the time in LA, but it had been over a year. In fact the last time I went to a goth club was when I was living in AZ, which was a lot of fun for me. I remember the one golden rule about goth chicks, either they are really hot or really fucking ugly. So I am walking up and I see some dudes in top hats and capes running across the street and I knew I was close. I was just really excited to see what type of crowd there would be at this place. I do the typical move and just see who is out front and kind of make my judgment based on that. Holy fucking shit, wow ugliest people I had ever seen. So I really start to think if it was worth me paying $40 to dance when I could just wait until the next week and pay $10. I see a cab and I get in the thing so fast and tell him to take me right home.

I am home but I still really want to go out. See here is a thing with me, I am not all that spontaneous, I need to be prepared in my mind and I was all ready to go out that night so when I wind up back home I have the urge to go out. I think if you read my blog often you know exactly where I ended up. That’s right kids Murio’s. This was a different night people were actually inside drinking and because of this along with my relationship with the people that work there I did not have to pay for a single drink all night. So here I am thinking I am really fucking cool, but again I notice that the girls that are there bring guys with them to be safe, which is really no fun. If you are a couple just stay the fuck home and fuck, leave that night for super desperate people that just stand close to a single girl right before midnight hoping for a kiss. After I get a few free drinks I decide to go home and bring back a bottle of champagne to share with the fellas, we drink a little have a good time making fun of people then I make my way to the jute box. This was the first of two major mistakes I made that night.

Before the ball drops so I am still safe and in 2008 I walk to get some real music on and this chick grabs me and asks me what my name was. Honestly, I was not drunk enough to put it in her. But when she told me that she was going to make out with her friend that was hot I decided to open my mouth. “Yeah, that would be a great idea, your friend is so much hotter than you and I would like to see that.” They were not happy that I dissed the one girl, but really I don’t fucking care.

At about 1:30ish I decide that I need some food so I get to the pizza by the slice place. The same place that I called some dude a faggot and almost got into a fight with some drug dealers. I might have to get into that story next time I decide to write something. I just end up getting in these bad habits that I should be writing once a week and that turns into once every two weeks and I just forget what happened. in fact a lot of times after I write something I just forget it. Here is a little secret, I don’t put to much thought into writing this, I just sit in front of my computer and let it all out. I don’t stop writing until I am done so if it ends up being seven pages I am sitting here for two hours writing. But anyways I am back at the pizza place and you know when you are a pathetic desperate loser like I am you see hot chicks from a distance and start to think to yourself “man, if she just stood next to me she would find out how cool I am?” but ultimately it never ends up that way, usually they just walk right by you and pay no attention to you at all. Well this was that night, finally after 29 fucking years on this planet I thought something and it happened.

So this chick, her friend and her friends boyfriend are right behind me. we get to talk a little bit and I am like wow, finally my female counterpart. We both hate everything, we treat people like shit and we both think the world revolves around us. Fucking awesome I was digging her so I told her I would buy her some pizza. She was really surprised and after that I was going to go home and eat but they asked if I wanted to hang out with them and eat. By this time I was really fucked up and was not making the best decisions but I made the right one and I sat with them. So I am talking with this chick, her name is Holly we are getting along, she is from LA so we had some stuff in common which was cool. Bottom line we got along really well but like everything the night has to end, they were tired and had to get back home. I had not gotten her phone number. I remember in my mind thinking that while they are waiting for a cab I will talk to her a little bit more and get it then. See I am all fucking stupid when it comes to this, I won’t ask for a phone number if I am around people’s friends it always reminded me of stupid junior high shit and giggles. So I figure shit, it will probably be a good five minutes before they are able to get a cab and I will have my chance.

This is where me being a total planner backfires all the time because I could not adjust to this. We walk outside and I noticed that she was not wearing shoes and I was fascinated by that then they find a cab in seconds. Oh shit now what do I do? So the friend gives me a hug gets into the cab. Holly, gives me a hug and tells me that she wants to see me again. I am thinking great this is cool, get her fucking phone number. But my neurotic override system was telling me it was too late two of the three were in the cab and were ready to go. So after she tells me that she wants to see me again I just look at her and say “probably not” and walk away. But not before I saw the look on her face like oh my god, what was that.

To recap, it was not because I did not want to see her again. But instead my stupid mind told me that she was getting in a cab, it was too late to get her number, we live in a big city and the odds of me ever seeing her again were as close to zero as it could possibly be. So when I said “probably not” I was playing the odds of the situation. But I realize that she took it that I thought she was stupid and not worth my time. Way to fucking go Rob, may all my decisions in 2009 be just as bad.