Lames

Oh were to begin this one. Should I start off by a full update of my second date? Perhaps again going over what a total bitch the guy I work with is? Or maybe just maybe I will talk about my time in Tennessee for Thanksgiving? Hum, decisions decisions. I think I will start with what makes me the most upset, my new roommate.

I am not going to go into the details as to why there is now a third person in my equation, just know that there is and the deal I have is that my shit has to stay the same and this person will have to go in a few months. Of course we don’t tell that person this because we want to rent out the other room. I am not sure a lot of you out there have had the pleasure of having to find a new roommate but it is strange. First off, we use craigslist so you never know what you are going to get. Everyone really wants the place so they lie and it is up to us to figure it all out. Is what we do is we give a small description of our place and of us and we see who takes the time to give thoughtful answers and ask a few people to check out the place. Pretty standard operation procedure if you ask me.

So when we look for people you see them for the first time. This was a few months ago so I don’t remember the order in which we saw people, one of the first people was a dude from Oakland. We usually offer people water or something to make them feel at home, but homebody had herpes on his face so that was done. In which case we decided that he would not be a good fit because if he accidentally used the wrong toothbrush we would be fucked. Then after like five people we came across a person that we felt would fit in nicely. And by nicely I mean a person that we can get rid of and not feel bad. A few of you have been to my place and we keep it pretty clean and we are pretty standard about cleaning up after yourself.

Move in day comes and the guy had his friends moving shit for him. No problem there, the problem starts when he has way to much shit and will not get rid of it. He plays this game were he will ask us if we have something and we say yes we do, then will tell us that he has a nice version of it. listen up pal, you ask us if we have something we do, we don’t need your shit so too fucking bad you have it put it in a fucking box. But no, every fucking day I see a bag of kitchen utensils looking right at me when I wake up in the morning. When will he put it away? I don’t know your guess is as good as mine.

Then there was the box of shit he left at the top of the stairs right in front of my closet. Now I am the type of person that I just expect people to pick up on shit and yes I know moving is hard but you have to have a place for everything. So I don’t say anything for the first few days. But every day I come home from work thinking that it will be taken care of and it’s not. Finally I had to do the only thing I could, I came up the stairs when I knew he was home and yelled who’s fucking box is out here and that I am about to throw it away. That night it was put away.

Then came my cups. I have one really bad habit which is I leave cups in my room. I know this about myself so I have had these cheap plastic cups I use for just that reason. They have been in the same spot since the day I moved in. They are easy because they stack up and don’t take a lot of room. Now while my main roommate was gone this dick decides now is the time to rearrange everything to make room for all of his shit. Which meant that for some reason my cups got moved. Now they didn’t get moved an inch or two they got moved into the pantry. Why? I am still trying to figure this out. All I know is that was the final straw. Now for people that know me the easiest way to freak me out is to move my stuff around. This was it. Not only did he move my cups but this fucking guy had so many cups that they could not fit on the cup shelf so he just decided to start spilling them into the plates.

But here is the worst fucking thing about this guy. He fucking talks a lot. He buts into conversations that I am having and just keeps fucking talking. He always starts things off with “what up kids?” which is as annoying as it sounds. My conversations with him go like this, he starts asking me what I am up too, I just look at him and say nothing. He keeps going on and I say nothing then walk away. He will complain that the toilet is running and somebody needs to fix it. As I am standing there I am just looking at him and I could not help myself but to tell him to get off his ass and fucking fix it himself. I seriously wish he was dead.

Now on to another annoying sack of shit, Byron. This guy now has it in his head that he is smarter than I am. Dude a fucking stray dog is smarter than you are, they at least know they are all but dead and walk on train tracks waiting for a train to take them out. His new thing is that he wants to try to get my boss and me fired. Why do you ask? I will tell you why because we both think he is a dumb mother fucker and doesn’t like that we are so much better than he is. He also wants to move up into the sales job that I have so he can make more money. Listen up pal, fuck you. I stay up at night thinking of the dumb ass shit that he tells me every day and how I can get rid of him.

Every day I hear from customers how much they hate him and the only reason they buy from us is because of me. Now if this guy wants me out fine, he needs to grow a ball sack and tell me to my face. I will gladly ask to leave. But he is so smart he doesn’t realize that in my entire company I have put the most new dollars than any other sales rep and he is a stupid fuck dime a dozen retard thinking he has power. So if you were my company would you rather keep a sales rep that put in new business while at the same time clean up his mess to keep current customers or would you rather get rid of that rep and replace a manager that you can find off the streets? But then again he is just that smart. Honestly I am getting the point of annoyance and not being able tolerating him to the point that I am going to ask to either transfer me or him, I just can’t do it and keep myself sane on a day to day basis.

Plus you dumb ass lives in a van. You work for a fortune 300 company and you live in a van, please.

Now what is better then a first date? A second of course. Except this second date I realized just how fucking self absorbed people really are and more important just how dumb they can be. So this bitch calls me up. Now mind you she should be doing whatever I want. I am sexy and she is ugly and she knows this. Basically I am way too good for her. But she is cool and we are into some of the same stuff. So I get a call last Saturday from her telling me she doesn’t want to date. My reaction to this was that’s fine. Which is really is, I was talking with my friend Phil a few weeks ago and there comes a point in your life when you don’t date enough and you don’t have enough relationships that you truly stop caring. I am now at that point. It is not a big deal to me anymore.

So she gets pissed that I am just so apathetic to her telling me this. When really why should I care, I went out with you once, nothing happened we don’t owe each other anything. Then she decides she wants to come over. Again I tell her I don’t care if she does or does not. She comes and we go to Murio’s, that way I can bail out at any time I want. We really start to talk and she realizes just how fucking amazing I am but at the same time I realize just how stupid she is. And by stupid, maybe not totally stupid, immature for sure and close to being certifiable.

She just starts talking on random bullshit all night long and I got to the point that I wanted some entertainment from this situation. She confesses that she is a chronic liar and that she needs people around her to be fucked up so that she can fix problems. Listen bitch and listen good. How the fuck can you fix other people problems when you can’t even see your own? Not only that you can’t even admit that you have any, when clearly you have more issues than four normal people do. So for a few hours she is drinking, I have two beers because I don’t drink a lot. I just let her ramble on and on because she likes the sound of her own voice.

After a while I just get tired of it and ask the door man to sit with us, or more me so I have someone to bullshit with. It was great seeing the crushed look on her face like she was not interesting enough for me. Which sorry you are not. I watch her spend live $60 bucks on herself and she starts to tell me that she doesn’t want a boyfriend. And I just look at her and tell her that’s fine then don’t have one. She also goes on to say that guys are useless and sex is lame.

Hold on a second, sex is lame? No bitch you are fucking lame. She is trying to convince me for a hour that a dildo is just as good as a cock. Alright I will give you this they probably get you off a lot easier then a dick will and you can buy them in different sizes. But why oh why are dildos not enough for basically every girl in the world? That’s right they are not as good. Such a fucking stupid argument and I did call her out on it and told her that she just thinks so little of herself that she thinks she can’t get a guy so she is in the process of convincing herself that a dildo will solve all of her problems. The silence was only awkward for her.

After that she wanted to leave and I watched her almost fall over several times to her car. At which time she told me that she really likes me which I responded sorry you told me that you don’t want to be in a relationship and that dicks are useless. She then tried to kiss me in which I moved my face. I then watched her get in her car and drive drunk.

This brings me to my point I guess. In fact this time I don’t have a point I am just writing tonight. But overall people are fucking really stupid and useless. Everyone wants everything. People now have this sense of entitlement that I just don’t understand. You have a roommate that thinks other people don’t live with him. You have a the person you work with that is just so painfully stupid and useless, yet they think they can do a better job than a person that is killing it. You have girls that have no fucking idea what they want so they build o a life which is a total lie. What the fuck is going on?

I am sick and tired of putting lames on blast and that is all I seem to be doing. No longer do I talk about me going out. No now all I seem to do is talk about people that annoy me to the point they dominate my thought process. I am not talking about fun stuff anymore, this ends. I can’t fucking do this anymore. Next one I write I will talk about my trip to Tennessee because you know I have some great things to say about that and my thoughts might actually entertain this time around.