Vegitarians For Fun

It is just a matter of time before I run out of things to say. This week is a perfect example of that. A few reasons for this are I am trying to save up money the next two months for my friends wedding, work has been very crazy this past week and finally my Grandma had successful quadruple bypass done on Friday so I was a little stressed over that. I am glad to say that she is doing fine and it would have been great if somebody that was there filled me in on the situation as opposed to me finding out second hand and hours after the fact. Nothing like the feeling of twisting all day long not knowing what is going on. So being that I don’t have a new story to tell this week I will tell an old one, The Carrot Story…

So back in the year 2000 I was a different person, stocked with my JNCO jeans and DJ Tron mix tapes. My glasses had a circumference of 6 inches, bad skin and a cracking voice. I was not the beautiful picture that I am today, I like to say that I was a late bloomer. I was also a bit of a pseudo gangster in the sense that I tried to play hard like I could beat up everyone and I was just the baddest man on the planet. Well with that great package came one thing I could not get and that was laid.

Back then everyone was using AOL as their primary service, chat rooms were blowing up and it was easy to talk to random chicks online which I did a lot. In fact I still do that. Well there was this one chick that I had met, her name was Becky from a little town called Brea. We ended up clicking over the internet and decided to meet up and go out and we ended up clicking in person. For some reason she thought I was very funny and smart, but at that time I hated myself and all compliments rung hollow to me. But she was a lot of firsts for me, the first time I stuck my fingers inside of a chick it was her. I remember looking at the whole thing like a science experiment. I was so excited I even went down on her, which again was the first time I had done that.

I remember it was during the summer I think I had just turned 21 and she was 19 just out of high school getting ready to go to UCLA. To be honest I can’t really remember if I was 20 or 21 which could push the date of this story back to the summer of 1999. But anyways, I am in her room on a warm summer’s day nobody home except us, I pull down those cotton panties with balloon prints on them looking at this unshaved vagina thinking, damn I am going to enjoy this. She was a little bit nervous to have me do anything to her down there. I really wasn’t listening to what she was saying so I went down there anyways, one huge lick and I was thinking man this does not taste anything like I thought it would so I give it another and another. I do remember really it tasting wrong but it was hard for me because it was my first time, it was just flat our gross. I may have been down there for one minute before she grabbed my hair and told me to stop because she had a yeast infection.

I quickly got up ran to the bathroom and started dry heaving. Rinsing my mouth with warm water pulling out public hairs from my mouth was not the utopian vision I had for my first mouth to vag experience. Needless to say I was a little bit pissed, but this was not the end of her pissing me off.

So for about four weeks we are going out to movies and dinners, things like that. In fact not that I really think about it she was the first girl that I really ever went out with when I had a car. But we would always end up at my house or her house at night. It was cool because I could spend the night at her place. Her parents did not care at all, in fact I thought they were pretty cool. So every night was the same, I would get her off by fingering her and I would get nothing in return. Is what she was able to do for me was tell me that she had sex before in fact is experienced anally, which really started to piss me off after a few weeks. Here I am some awkward kid experiencing something that most of my peers had gone through during high school. I mean I was late to the game on all of this shit, so yeah I was beyond anxious to have sex and all the tales she would tell me would just start to drive me crazy. After one night she told me she loved me but still would not let me put it in, I felt that I had to make a decision.

A day or two after she tells me she loves me I meet up with her on my day off during the week. No parents home, they are both at work we have her whole place to ourselves and I walk into there with intentions of finally getting it over with or just dumping her ass. We go get Jack In The Box and bring it back, she did not get any because her and her mom are vegetarians. I eat my food and she starts making out with me the second I am done. I remember being very aggressive this time, taking off her clothes and laying her across the kitchen table. She is totally naked I am going crazy and I whip out my dick and she tells me that this was not the right place. What your kitchen table is not good enough for you? So I was pissed but I keep doing stuff to her and just as I was ready to get bored like a sign from above I saw in her kitchen table bowl carrots.

I have no idea why I did this but I did, upon seeing the carrot I get one and I start talking dirty to her using the carrot as my instrument of pleasure. Saying shit like you want this carrot to fuck you hard don’t you? She was incredibly into it, shaking and quivering as I am doing my thing. I start to eat her out and use the carrot to tickle her asshole, to this day I still don’t think I have been able to turn on a girl like I did there. As I am tickling her ass with this carrot I slowly start to put it in her ass, this is driving her crazy. I am just putting the carrot further and further into her ass until I basically had the whole thing in there. I decided that would be a good time for me to leave.

I still have the carrot in my hand as I am using it on her but I had enough of this and I was ready to be done with the whole thing. So very quickly I break the exposed part of the carrot off leaving about 6 inches of it in her ass. I played it off by being shocked that my pager was going off. Remember pagers, those things that we used before cell phones because you had to spend $500 for a down payment and cell phones were modeled after bricks. I get my page and I start to walk away from her, she stops me and asked me where I was going. I looked her dead in the eye and said this “my mom is paging me 911, I’ve got to go” and took off with no intention of talking to her again. After a month of me not answering my phone she finally got the hint.