O.K. all you dick heads and pussy lips, before you get on my ass I am just going to say these two things. First, my building was built in the late 1800’s. Second, I pay low rent for the city and with those two things combined I should not complain, but that would not be me. Being that the building I live in is so old there is not heat, there used to be a fire place that worked but I guess there was some issues a while back and we are no longer able to use it. This is the time of the year that it gets cold, so cold that I am watching TV last night and I could see my breath. I am now sleeping in three shirts and a jacket and I constantly look like I have been swimming in cold water. But today after a long day of work it finally dawned on me just how cold it is in here. So I am home and all day I thought about this big bowl of chili I wanted to eat, I leave at my normal time and I get lucky and find parking right in front of my house. I quickly run inside to start my cooking. I grab my can of chili, open it up and I find that it had been frozen! I ended up forcing it out using a spoon and to no surprise, the chili was dry. But enough about my sob stories.
This blog is all about nightmare girls out there and why you get no respect from us. I know what you are saying out there, the one person that does not get this. No I don’t mean ALL girls, but rather this is what we think of girls in general. They are greedy, cunty, selfish and needy. Case in point, Saturday night while out with my buddy John we come across a gem of a female.
We are at a kick ass punk show, I had not been to one since I went to the glass house every weekend so for me it was a nice change of pace. The band that we went to see are neighbors of John. It was good times, a lot of hot chicks with nose rings so I was happy. But we decided to leave because we took the MUNI to the show and did not want to pay for a cab to go back home and were worried about how late it ran. So we leave around midnight to go back to our hood. Basically every time we end up in my part of town we go to one place, Murio’s the best worst place in the city. A place you can see people doing blow off the bar, a crack whore in a skirt free lippin and four people terrified that they are there. One thing is constant there, you have to be able to give shit and take shit, which is why I like it.
We get in there and right away we see a chick sitting at the point. We identified her as the hottest chick in the bar and sat next to her. Well she was the hottest chick until she opened her mouth. My god what a self important bitch she is. the bar tender usually always gives people a lot of shit, that is just his thing. I guess before we got there he was making fun of her, oh no the world is going to end. So how did she react to this? She sat there looking at him complaining that the bar was no good and he was a jerk. She then starts to talk to me.
One of the first things out of her mouth was that she worked for a Bay Area sports station and is the only one in her department, because of that she is high priority. Really, wow I guess everyone in the world needs to lick your pussy. So she was mad that nobody there knew this about her. Well the reason that we do not know this about you is number one we don’t give a fuck who you are or what you do. And well that’s pretty much why, we don’t care. Are you on TV? No, you’re not and even if your were oh please let me work out my middle and index fingers and practice my clit massaging technique.
Then to try and make this broad happy the door man sits next to her and tries to talk to her. She is telling him how this was the worst place in the city, which she is dead wrong. Well, I guess it could be if you have no sense of humor and are self important which you clearly are. She starts in about how this other bar is so much better. I just look at her because the door man is getting nowhere with her and I just ask her, if she likes the other bar so much more why is she not there? I mean really this chick had been sitting there for over an hour before I got there with a warm beer just hard staring trying to get people on her side. Then she starts to go on about her fiancé, who for some odd reason was not there that night. I was getting really pissed off and I had to go outside for a smoke.
As I am out there the bar tender Nick comes out and we both look at each other and he was going to throw her out. I ask him to give me five more minutes so I can fuck with her a little bit. A request he was more then willing to accommodate for me. we finish our cigs and back in we go. By now she has moved next to John and she is talking her ear off. Then the conversation goes on about baseball. She knows nothing and pretends she does. Now I am being a little bit mean by just saying it is girls that do this, there are plenty of guys that pretend to know more than what they know about anything. Really we know people like that, I probably strike people as a know it all. But each and every time we meet a person like that we automatically get very angry. She goes on about how Japanese people do not know anything about baseball and they just wear the hats. Well now you are sounding more ill informed then ever. As a matter of fact they love the sport, they stay up all night to watch their national heros play in the MLB. Their game is different then ours but to say a group of people does not like a sport, really kind of pissed me off. It could be that my Grandpa lives there and tells me how much the Japs love the game, I don’t know what it was but I was pissed.
Nick makes his way over towards us and now I did not feel at all bad to laying into this fucking bitch. She has braces so I start to ask her the obvious questions, if you do in fact have a boy friend, which I seriously doubt because I do know some dudes that are tools but I have never met one that is a tool box which is what you clearly need. But I asked her if she ever got public hairs stuck in her braces. Her face turning red because everyone is now laughing at her. She looks at me and asks me if I ever get pubs stuck in my braces. Ok bitch my teeth are not straight but I don’t were braces, and yes sometimes because I like a chick that leaves some grass on the field I get some in my mouth.
Then I ask her were her boyfriend is. Oh well he is at a hockey game that I got him tickets for. I look at the time, 1:30. You fucking tell me what hockey game ends that late, exactly none ever except maybe a playoff game on east coast time. So I start to question her a little bit more. I don’t think she has a boyfriend and just through seeing and hearing her this dude if he really is out there must be the biggest tool box on the face of the planet. I then asked her if the reason she was such a bitch and at bars by herself was because her boyfriend could not take care of his business. I mean by know half the bar is just listening to this. They are all loving how awkward I am making her feel. After we made her feel like a clown the bar tender comes over grabs her warm beer and throws three dollar bills right in face and tells her to leave.
Now I tell you all this because for the most part guys think that all girls are just like that. They all wear leopard skin printed jackets like this chick did. Ladies if you wear leopard skin anything guys think like this; easy, scank, can fuck tonight, STD possible, if I bang she will stalk me, psycho whore, abort mission now and go for the cubby chick in the corner. But really think about it ladies, for the most part you come off to selfish, do you really think guys want to devote all of their time and energy to you? No not really, we usually have hobbies and friends outside of you. Please give us time to do those things. Trust me if you do, the time that we do spend with you will be even better. Who knows we might even go down on you even if we are tired.
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