You will be glad that I waited to write this. Just so you know I started to write this on Sunday then I had a girl come over so I stopped for obvious reasons. Basically I met this chick from a trusted online dating service, met up with her last week. Strap yourself in for this one.
First off I was very luke warm with this chick to begin with. I figured what the hell, the worst thing that can happen is I don’t like her. So we meet up at my favorite bar. As soon as I walk in I see her, she was pretty hard to miss and it wasn’t because she was wearing lime green. As a matter of fact I would have totally missed her on purpose if she had not been obsessively watching the door awaiting my arrival. As I am sitting there we start to talk, it is going ok. I felt that the real reason I was not into her was because I just didn’t like the conversation. A few hours pass and we decide to go back to my place.
I don’t know why I did but I started to make out with her. This goes on for a hour or so. I explain to her why girls should give it up on the first date. She agreed with me but at the same time did not act upon her agreement with me. Seriously, you girls really need to look at how you conduct yourselves. This chick totally wanted to have sex with me, but for some reason didn’t? It does not make any sense to me at all. Before she left I shared my need for alone time six days a week. So before we go to far she leaves. I am not worried.
Days go by and I find myself not caring at all, but for some reason on Sunday I decide to return a text message from her. One thing led to another and I find her at my place while I watch True Blood and Entourage. It would have been awesome if I could have watched these shows without her laying on my chest suffocating me. I also love when people open their fucking mouths while I am watching something. Listen, watch and shut the fuck up. Three fucking things, is that too hard to do? I didn’t think so.
As my chest is be smashed in she starts to make out with me. we end up on my bed. The whole time I am thinking that I should not do anything because I am just not into her at all. She is all over me, ripping off her clothes getting down to her underwear pulling me in, asking me if I have condoms. I finally decide to give in and give this dog a bone. Just as I do she does a 180 and tells me she can’t and is out of my door within 30 seconds. Good, nothing happened so nothing for me to feel guilty about.
Monday, text message saying she was sorry and she didn’t know what came over her. Work busy, stress high urge to kill co workers on the rise. I get home, play my video games and spend the night relaxing.
Tuesday, I decide to leave work a little on time. On my way home I am getting text messages from her telling me she is at the bar. Using my lingo when describing who is there. Fuck that shit, don’t fucking talk like me unless you already talk like me when we meet. I don’t find it at all flattering when a chick thinks I am so fucking awesome that she tries to mimic my mannerisms. Be your fucking self please, all you do is confirm in my mind that you are a weak minded fool. I do not respond to her messages. In fact I laugh on my way home and start to think about my nap.
I get home and I go right into my bed, I mean I was totally beat. Work was crazy I am getting pulled into all these different directions all of the time. I end up being put into the middle of all these different shit situations. The reason is because people like me enough to try to help a situation, anyways I am done with work talk for now. So I am in bed watching some election coverage thinking, damn none of this really matters, more on that next time. Just as I start to fall asleep I feel my phone start to vibrate, surprise! Another text. This one says that she would call but she thought I might not answer the phone and she is sorry for Sunday. Well yeah, she should be sorry I was about to do her a favor and no I would have answered. So my eyes are closed and I start to fall asleep.
Five minutes after I get her message just before I was about to fall into a deep sleep for the night I hear my name being called. It took me a second to realize it was my name and another second to realize that she was outside my window calling for me. Fucking crazy bitch. You make an ass out of yourself in my room then make an ass of yourself in public. How awesome of you and what a way to make me think you are totally not worth my time, you fucking loser. Maybe Santa Clause will be nice to you and put a life time gym pass into your stocking ;)~
In some brighter news, my mom is coming to visit this weekend. Great. This really fucks up my alone time. I work so fucking hard during the week I don’t want to do anything during my weekend. See I am different then most people that claim they work hard during the week. If you bust your ass during the week would that not make you tired and in need of rest? Exactly, you are just lying to yourself. You probably don’t work hard, you pretending to work hard makes more work for people like me that actually care about what they do. So do us all a favor, walk to the middle of the
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